Recognising how much I would love to be intimate on all fronts , but I will not be lowering my standards for men . It is not happening!!! . It is difficult but necessary. It’s time men woke up and did the necessary.
My thoughts are that many young men absolutely hate their female cohorts.
An entire generation (almost two generations now!) of boys see a lot of violent and degrading pornography before they’ve ever even kissed a girl. They slap and choke their partners during sex. They’re incels. WTFE? They blow off at school, they don’t work. They play video games and sit around acting like women owe them something. They can’t make or repair anything.
They hate your daughters and your friends and they voted orange to prove it.
i genuinely think that good sex is going to become a luxury eventually with the way the world’s going— it’s so hard actually building relationships in this climate let alone having sex
Nice read but I think this framing is two sided. Women did not simply “raise the bar” on their own. The platform that allowed standards to shift, whether education, legal rights, economic opportunities, or digital spaces, was largely built and contested by men.
What we are seeing now is less about one gender raising or lowering expectations and more about shared responsibility. If you sit in the same seat of power or access that someone else held before you, the responsibility to engage on equal footing comes with it. Too often the discussion skips that part.
The real story is not a “recession” because one sex withdrew. It is a broader collapse of intimacy under pressure from tech, economics, mental health, and culture. Pointing fingers at men or women misses the systemic nature of what is happening.
The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love- By Bell Hooks is Required Reading for all Men. How men manage to simultaneously save all of their deepest love for their male friends, and in turn never learn how to actually love women ....all while we as a society devalue platonic relationships in favor of romantic ones is a testament to how cognitively dissonant one has to be in this world to be viewed as the CORRECT kind of masculine.
Personally this brought me to the thought “no one wants to flirt anymore” I personally feel like the other thing that killed intimacy is the death of the art form of Courtship. On both fronts should a guy do intimate small gestures like writing a letter etc it’s seen as corny or should a woman actually respond quickly and do something thoughtful that is seen as desperate. Nowadays the dating scene is horrendous, even the sex(intimacy) is worse. Should you even get there just know it’s framed on such a transactional basis that it’s exhausting.
Shit at this point I might be becoming asexual because today’s pool is 😮💨
So many contradictory statements. Throwing words around to replace causative factors, and confusing them
with correlation.
I can’t believe you are also downplaying women’s agency and role in the sexual dynamics; it is hilarious.
Using the word “deserve” to get good sex? just like that? No, men and women should try to be more attractive and learn to be and do better.
More importantly, the sexual recession premise is so false. Is there dwindling sexual intimacy? yes. No one is having sex? No one wants to fuck? really? like really?
I believe the frequency, and form of sex is quite buoyant than ever; it’s just the disconnect, vacuous, soulless and rampant transactional nature of sex that makes it disconcerting.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾10/10 no notes. You nailed it. This is what I observe in my heterosexual friends. some of that patriarchal mysogyny is bleeding over into LGBTQIA+ spaces.
Me and my sister talk about this so often!! But I love the way you put it we’re in a sexual recession!!! I have always seen it this way and I hope women get to keep moving the ball of human progression forward by keeping our standards high. Every one will benefit from it.
this was such a great short read that i COMPLETELY agree with and have felt so much recently. i am a person that really prides myself in my sexual side and i think sex is an enormous part of my life and personality. seeing a majority of others regress into purity and being scared to be vulnerable when it comes to sex and other physical intimacy makes me feel a bit lost but i know what is true in my soul and i hope others can look inward and realize the importance of a physical bond with another human even if it is only for one night!!
The whole “women legally & financially don’t need men anymore” point; I’ve thought about that not too long ago. It shifted the dating scene. Another point to add to that is, women can now afford to be more superficial with looks. So a man could have all of the emotional intelligence or money, but the woman wants to be extremely attracted to the man with those qualities as well. Thats ok, there’s nothing wrong with that.. just something to acknowledge.
Recognising how much I would love to be intimate on all fronts , but I will not be lowering my standards for men . It is not happening!!! . It is difficult but necessary. It’s time men woke up and did the necessary.
lowering our standards is not an option!! the men have to step up
Sincerity , vulnerability , integrity etc
This was perfectly written.
My thoughts are that many young men absolutely hate their female cohorts.
An entire generation (almost two generations now!) of boys see a lot of violent and degrading pornography before they’ve ever even kissed a girl. They slap and choke their partners during sex. They’re incels. WTFE? They blow off at school, they don’t work. They play video games and sit around acting like women owe them something. They can’t make or repair anything.
They hate your daughters and your friends and they voted orange to prove it.
i genuinely think that good sex is going to become a luxury eventually with the way the world’s going— it’s so hard actually building relationships in this climate let alone having sex
whew it’s getting scary out here
I’m starting to think it is.
heavy on wanting intimacy, softness, femininity etc. But not willing to make that environment
it’s actually insane
Nice read but I think this framing is two sided. Women did not simply “raise the bar” on their own. The platform that allowed standards to shift, whether education, legal rights, economic opportunities, or digital spaces, was largely built and contested by men.
What we are seeing now is less about one gender raising or lowering expectations and more about shared responsibility. If you sit in the same seat of power or access that someone else held before you, the responsibility to engage on equal footing comes with it. Too often the discussion skips that part.
The real story is not a “recession” because one sex withdrew. It is a broader collapse of intimacy under pressure from tech, economics, mental health, and culture. Pointing fingers at men or women misses the systemic nature of what is happening.
Say it louder for the people in the back! dating in this day and age is exhausting
absolutely!! 😭
The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love- By Bell Hooks is Required Reading for all Men. How men manage to simultaneously save all of their deepest love for their male friends, and in turn never learn how to actually love women ....all while we as a society devalue platonic relationships in favor of romantic ones is a testament to how cognitively dissonant one has to be in this world to be viewed as the CORRECT kind of masculine.
I gifted this book to a male friend recently!
Foreplay is a lost practice too🚮 people just want others to open their legs and be magically turned on
Personally this brought me to the thought “no one wants to flirt anymore” I personally feel like the other thing that killed intimacy is the death of the art form of Courtship. On both fronts should a guy do intimate small gestures like writing a letter etc it’s seen as corny or should a woman actually respond quickly and do something thoughtful that is seen as desperate. Nowadays the dating scene is horrendous, even the sex(intimacy) is worse. Should you even get there just know it’s framed on such a transactional basis that it’s exhausting.
Shit at this point I might be becoming asexual because today’s pool is 😮💨
I hate to be restacking every essay on this app 😭😭😭😭😭😭 because this took all the words from my mouth
‘Let’s give each other a reason to fuck again.’
literally could not have said it better myself. i think you covered 90% of my non-negotiables list in your piece. thank you for making sense
So many contradictory statements. Throwing words around to replace causative factors, and confusing them
with correlation.
I can’t believe you are also downplaying women’s agency and role in the sexual dynamics; it is hilarious.
Using the word “deserve” to get good sex? just like that? No, men and women should try to be more attractive and learn to be and do better.
More importantly, the sexual recession premise is so false. Is there dwindling sexual intimacy? yes. No one is having sex? No one wants to fuck? really? like really?
I believe the frequency, and form of sex is quite buoyant than ever; it’s just the disconnect, vacuous, soulless and rampant transactional nature of sex that makes it disconcerting.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾10/10 no notes. You nailed it. This is what I observe in my heterosexual friends. some of that patriarchal mysogyny is bleeding over into LGBTQIA+ spaces.
Me and my sister talk about this so often!! But I love the way you put it we’re in a sexual recession!!! I have always seen it this way and I hope women get to keep moving the ball of human progression forward by keeping our standards high. Every one will benefit from it.
I’ll take being sexless any day over doing the emotional labor in a relationship without any reciprocation, but boy do I want it bad.
this was such a great short read that i COMPLETELY agree with and have felt so much recently. i am a person that really prides myself in my sexual side and i think sex is an enormous part of my life and personality. seeing a majority of others regress into purity and being scared to be vulnerable when it comes to sex and other physical intimacy makes me feel a bit lost but i know what is true in my soul and i hope others can look inward and realize the importance of a physical bond with another human even if it is only for one night!!
The whole “women legally & financially don’t need men anymore” point; I’ve thought about that not too long ago. It shifted the dating scene. Another point to add to that is, women can now afford to be more superficial with looks. So a man could have all of the emotional intelligence or money, but the woman wants to be extremely attracted to the man with those qualities as well. Thats ok, there’s nothing wrong with that.. just something to acknowledge.