This is beautifully written. It resonated with me deeply. I grew up fighting to be perfectly palatable to everyone, all the time. Even now, I still catch myself doing it sometimes. It’s exhausting.
I almost get angry at myself in moments where I know I deserve to simply be human, the way you described. But I also can’t be surprised by other people’s reactions because I built that persona all along. Who are they to not be shocked by my very human moments when I’ve spent so long trying to appear “perfect”?
I’m definitely trying to unlearn that now, and that last line truly sums it all up. At the end of the day, who am I trying to prove this perfection to? Myself? The standards that were unfairly placed on me? It feels like battling myself, and that’s a battle I’ll inevitably lose.
This is beautifully written. It resonated with me deeply. I grew up fighting to be perfectly palatable to everyone, all the time. Even now, I still catch myself doing it sometimes. It’s exhausting.
I almost get angry at myself in moments where I know I deserve to simply be human, the way you described. But I also can’t be surprised by other people’s reactions because I built that persona all along. Who are they to not be shocked by my very human moments when I’ve spent so long trying to appear “perfect”?
I’m definitely trying to unlearn that now, and that last line truly sums it all up. At the end of the day, who am I trying to prove this perfection to? Myself? The standards that were unfairly placed on me? It feels like battling myself, and that’s a battle I’ll inevitably lose.
We are all learning. Thank you for sharing this.
thanks for sharing; I really connected with this!
Reading your essays opened me up in ways I never thought were possible.
I love this because though it’s terrifying there’s nothing more exciting than renegotiating the terms of your existence.